mental ilnesses

I’ve been struggling with something for a while. I’ve thought that my dad’s behaviour towards me was abusive, and had several people confirm it, but I’m finding it hard when I read about people choosing to be abusive. He had a number of mental and physical health problems and often said when he lost his temper, threw things, swore at me and accused me of leaving him on his own when I’d Tried to get him help, that it was due to his mental health issues. He’s been aggressive and quite vindictive towards lots of people, including me. He has also tried to emotionally blackmail me and has gaslighted me before about comments he’s mate that have upset me, telling me I got it wrong and behaving as if I was the one who hurt him by misrepresenting him. He’s also tried to dictate little things that I do when I was in his house visiting. Because he did have these issues, is the aggression still abusive? I’m not sure whether he was in control of himself and I keep reading that they always are. I feel like I’m doubting whether what I went through was really abuse, but then if it wasn’t then what do I do and where do I turn to? How do I make sense of having lived in fear of him and feeling controlled by him?

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. It's important to remember that abuse can take many forms and doesn't always fit a specific mold. Even if your dad had mental health issues, it doesn't justify abusive behavior. It's normal to doubt and question what you went through, but your feelings are valid. Consider seeking support from a therapist or support lines like ptsd hotline. I hope that helps you!